V Mars: the Hearst Rapist
(If you missed last week's episode, watch it right here before delving into the case with us.)
Another Tuesday night quickly approaches, bringing us another thrilling adventure with Veronica Mars (and the Gilmore Girls)! After only two episodes, this season has already seen so much happen to everyone’s favorite blonde teenaged private eye. Going along with the mission of ADHD-TV, how about we try and focus on one thing at a time? (And if we get a bit sidetracked here and there, so be it.) Let’s start b-logging our first case file!
Case File A: the Hearst rapist
What we know:
There have been at least 4 victims (including Maeby from Arrested Development… I hope she comes back this season. It’s not like she’s got her own show anymore. Thanks a lot, Fox). As far as I know, they were all reported to have been attacked in their dorms, drugged, raped, and had their heads shaved afterwards (how bizarre was the wig Parker chose at the end?). At least two of the attacks occurred last year. The most recent victim was Mac’s new roommate, Parker (who was also the popular girl in A Cinderella Story).
Raging clues:
• When Veronica unknowingly walked in on Parker’s rape-in-progress, she heard a buzzing sound, but didn’t see anything. She implied to idiot Lamb (what a dick) that she thought the sound was a vibrator or something. Now, she’s assuming it was the sound of the electric razor, as the culprit was shaving Parker’s head.
• Parker had been partying with the suspicious Zeta Theta sorority (with that blonde girl from General Hospital and that other blonde girl, who lost a ton of weight, from tons of stuff, including Drive Me Crazy and the short-lived Jack & Bobby) the night of her rape. Like Veronica, she most likely was required to give her purse, along with her keys, to one of the sisters (damn, that girl has lost a ton of weight), meaning anyone could’ve had access to her dorm room.
• Kind of like Veronica, Parker was in such bad shape at the end of the night (does anyone else want to try a “panty-dropper?”) that she was escorted by Hearst College’s Safe Ride. Her driver, who was accompanied by another girl, happened to be the RA that introduced frak to V’s vocabulary in the season premiere (I tried to watch Battlestar Galactica this past Friday; not exactly a show you can just jump into, is it? At any rate, it was nice to see Lucy Lawless on tv again… not singing a celebrity duet. Thanks a lot, Fox). The other girl with him was some sophomore RA.
• We were re-introduced to the “Ice Man” and his frat from last season, which Veronica got put on probation after turning in pictures of their scoreboard for a little game I’ll just call, “I’m an asshole. Ask me how” (and of course, Dick is rushing for said frat).
Suspects:
Pretty much everyone at Hearst, at this point, but in some attempt at narrowing things down…
The RA – Sure, he was “cleared” due to his being accompanied by another girl when dropping off Parker, but we all remember Beaver with Veronica's rape, right?
The Criminology professor (who was Professor Lasky from Saved By the Bell: the College Years!)
Foyle, the Criminology TA (who was Lucky last season on V Mars, which makes me think they’re never going to explain what the deal was with that character and Meg’s family… which will annoy me forever)
The lip-piercing girl – I wouldn’t have thought this, but TVGuide.com seems to like the idea (how annoying is the new TV Guide site?)
The sorority’s den mother – There’s got to be something else going on with this woman though it might not have anything to do with the rape (even if she has cancer, that’s a whole hell of a lot of weed for one person).
The sorority – see above.
Ice Man and his fraternity
The tour guide from last year (played by Arrested Development’s George Michael. I hope he comes back this season, too… and damn you, Fox!)
The newspaper editor – As with the lip-piercing girl, I got this theory off TVGuide.com (anyone else miss The Watercooler?)
Dick – I don’t really think he’s a suspect, but in Neptune, anything’s possible.
Let’s keep in mind, too, it’s entirely possible that we haven’t even met the culprit yet.
Questions:
What’s with the head shaving? (Kind of makes you wish B.D. Wong could do a guest spot just to explain the psychology of this serial rapist.)
Is there anything connecting all the victims?
Is there evidence that can prove that the attacker is a man or a woman?
Can I be there next time Logan Echolls is streaking?
And the biggest question of all: why aren’t there more people watching this show?
Upcoming case files:
B) Keith Mars and the Fighting Fitzpatricks
C) the Faltering of Epic LoVe
Another Tuesday night quickly approaches, bringing us another thrilling adventure with Veronica Mars (and the Gilmore Girls)! After only two episodes, this season has already seen so much happen to everyone’s favorite blonde teenaged private eye. Going along with the mission of ADHD-TV, how about we try and focus on one thing at a time? (And if we get a bit sidetracked here and there, so be it.) Let’s start b-logging our first case file!
Case File A: the Hearst rapist
What we know:
There have been at least 4 victims (including Maeby from Arrested Development… I hope she comes back this season. It’s not like she’s got her own show anymore. Thanks a lot, Fox). As far as I know, they were all reported to have been attacked in their dorms, drugged, raped, and had their heads shaved afterwards (how bizarre was the wig Parker chose at the end?). At least two of the attacks occurred last year. The most recent victim was Mac’s new roommate, Parker (who was also the popular girl in A Cinderella Story).
Raging clues:
• When Veronica unknowingly walked in on Parker’s rape-in-progress, she heard a buzzing sound, but didn’t see anything. She implied to idiot Lamb (what a dick) that she thought the sound was a vibrator or something. Now, she’s assuming it was the sound of the electric razor, as the culprit was shaving Parker’s head.
• Parker had been partying with the suspicious Zeta Theta sorority (with that blonde girl from General Hospital and that other blonde girl, who lost a ton of weight, from tons of stuff, including Drive Me Crazy and the short-lived Jack & Bobby) the night of her rape. Like Veronica, she most likely was required to give her purse, along with her keys, to one of the sisters (damn, that girl has lost a ton of weight), meaning anyone could’ve had access to her dorm room.
• Kind of like Veronica, Parker was in such bad shape at the end of the night (does anyone else want to try a “panty-dropper?”) that she was escorted by Hearst College’s Safe Ride. Her driver, who was accompanied by another girl, happened to be the RA that introduced frak to V’s vocabulary in the season premiere (I tried to watch Battlestar Galactica this past Friday; not exactly a show you can just jump into, is it? At any rate, it was nice to see Lucy Lawless on tv again… not singing a celebrity duet. Thanks a lot, Fox). The other girl with him was some sophomore RA.
• We were re-introduced to the “Ice Man” and his frat from last season, which Veronica got put on probation after turning in pictures of their scoreboard for a little game I’ll just call, “I’m an asshole. Ask me how” (and of course, Dick is rushing for said frat).
Suspects:
Pretty much everyone at Hearst, at this point, but in some attempt at narrowing things down…
The RA – Sure, he was “cleared” due to his being accompanied by another girl when dropping off Parker, but we all remember Beaver with Veronica's rape, right?
The Criminology professor (who was Professor Lasky from Saved By the Bell: the College Years!)
Foyle, the Criminology TA (who was Lucky last season on V Mars, which makes me think they’re never going to explain what the deal was with that character and Meg’s family… which will annoy me forever)
The lip-piercing girl – I wouldn’t have thought this, but TVGuide.com seems to like the idea (how annoying is the new TV Guide site?)
The sorority’s den mother – There’s got to be something else going on with this woman though it might not have anything to do with the rape (even if she has cancer, that’s a whole hell of a lot of weed for one person).
The sorority – see above.
Ice Man and his fraternity
The tour guide from last year (played by Arrested Development’s George Michael. I hope he comes back this season, too… and damn you, Fox!)
The newspaper editor – As with the lip-piercing girl, I got this theory off TVGuide.com (anyone else miss The Watercooler?)
Dick – I don’t really think he’s a suspect, but in Neptune, anything’s possible.
Let’s keep in mind, too, it’s entirely possible that we haven’t even met the culprit yet.
Questions:
What’s with the head shaving? (Kind of makes you wish B.D. Wong could do a guest spot just to explain the psychology of this serial rapist.)
Is there anything connecting all the victims?
Is there evidence that can prove that the attacker is a man or a woman?
Can I be there next time Logan Echolls is streaking?
And the biggest question of all: why aren’t there more people watching this show?
Upcoming case files:
B) Keith Mars and the Fighting Fitzpatricks
C) the Faltering of Epic LoVe
